A Is for Advice: Wisdom for Pregnancy by Ilana Stanger-Ross

Author:Ilana Stanger-Ross
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Morrow Gift
Published: 2019-03-26T00:00:00+00:00

O

Is for Only One Day

Some people say, birth is only one day. As in: it doesn’t matter all that much, ultimately.

Clearly, I am not one of those people.

Ask the oldest woman you know to tell you about her child’s birth. She will remember; she will have a story.

It is not just one day—not for her, not even after all these years.

Birth matters.

Every time a woman advocates for the birth she wants, someone will say something like, you’re prioritizing your experience over your baby’s safety.

Maybe such a person exists . . . somewhere. But I have never met her. I have never met a woman who placed anything before her baby’s safety.

Never.

But women have different ideas of safety.

For most people, safety is birthing at a hospital. This has been the community standard for a few generations. You were probably born in a hospital, and your parents and grandparents were likely born in hospitals too. And in this time of birthing at hospitals, birth has become so much safer. We have standard training now: excellent doctors and nurses and midwives who have studied for years to be able to attend women in labor. We have antibiotics, and access to blood products, and evidence-based medicine.

We have so much to be so grateful for.

Some women may plan to give birth at a birthing center or at home. Those women are likely aware of excellent research that demonstrates that, for low-risk women attended by midwives, out-of-hospital birth is as safe as hospital birth. There are variables in play, including what constitutes low-risk, what the transfer protocol would be should a complication arise, and what training your care provider has.

In Canada, where I work, all Registered Midwives must maintain both home and hospital privileges. All our clients, even those planning home birth, register at the local hospital; if a client wants to transfer to the hospital during labor, or if we recommend she does so, we can continue to manage her labor at the hospital just as we did at home—the transfer process is smooth because home birth is fully integrated into the maternity system.

Wherever you plan to give birth, and wherever you end up giving birth, I can guarantee you one thing: the story will matter.

It may be a source of pride, a story of joy, one you love to tell.

It may be disappointing, difficult, even deeply upsetting.

If you find yourself grieving over the birth you didn’t have, let yourself have those feelings. People will say, “All that matters is a healthy baby.” But as childbirth educator and doula Penny Simkin has written, the woman’s experience matters, too.

Grieving for the birth you didn’t have doesn’t make you a bad mother; it makes you human.

Any society that values women should value how women are treated in birth.

Any care provider who values women should devote herself to treating women with compassion and respect.

Whatever happens, it will be more than just one day for you.

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